Jade - 2 years old.

   

Before we bought a car for Andrew to use for school, he took public transportation the first year we were here. During which time, he brought home 4 different phone numbers of Chinese women who saw him reading Chinese on the transit and struck up a conversation with him. After learning his wife is Chinese and we have 4 children that speak Chinese, the women would hand him their numbers and ask to have me call them so we could get together.  I am sure my husband must have left great first impressions. I am beginning to realize that I really don't have any Chinese friends.

I left Taiwan at age 15, so my Chinese language skills are limited. There are many great pieces of Chinese literature that I haven't even read. Once my sister and I met a Westerner who was on a plane going back to Taiwan, she had studied Chinese for many many years, and she was telling us about all the great classics she read over the years. None of which my sister and I had ever read. To be honest, it's a strain to be speaking to my kids in Chinese constantly, I often have to stop and think about the words or phrases in Chinese myself. Andrew and I are doing our best to teach our kids the language; unfortunately, we really stumble sometimes.

Parents who worry that their children might get behind in school so they never teach children their native tongue are doing a huge disservice to their kids. Parents who are embarrassed to speak their mother tongue to their children for fear of getting funny looks or of what others might think of the language are fools. I once had a friend who told me it's rude to speak Chinese in front of her because she doesn't know what we are saying. I think if I choose to speak Chinese only when it's socially convenient or acceptable than my kids will pick up on our insecurity and will not want to speak anymore. I think anyone who thinks it's rude that someone speaks a different language in front of them because of their own lack of understanding is foolish too.

Due to homesickness, I went back home for 2 months during the my first year in Canada. One day on the street during my visit, I saw a foreigner being circled about by probably 7 or 8 Chinese, all trying to speak English to him. I can only imagine he probably felt very welcomed and accepted in Taiwan with such hospitality. I felt angry and sour (I was young), because where I went, there was no one there to befriend me or to teach me English. No one cared if I was new in the country. I felt like I'd better pick up the slack and learn my English if I wanted to converse with anyone or do anything. I know there are Westerners in Taiwan or other parts of Asia who never learn much of the new language and they function just fine with people always willing to help. I am not saying people who come to this country shouldn't learn English. I just never seem to find such tolerance and understanding in this country for those who are struggling with the language.

My sister's husband is a CBC (Canadian-Born Chinese), his Chinese is not real great. One time when my parents visited them, he served them hot dogs with a side of pickles. My Dad took one glance at the food and said to my mom, "Let's pack up and take the first available flight home."

In Chinese culture, there is a principle of behavior that is very important relating to how people treat their elders, often translated as "filial piety" (it's quite a bit weightier than the Western concept of respect); serving hot dogs to Chinese parents would definitely violate this.

When my parents visited us, we served them hot rice porridge for breakfast with an accompanying assortment of small dishes. Then their white son in law sat down with them and heartily ate bowl after bowl of it. And if my dad slurped, Andrew happily slurped right along with him.... what a duo.

I do have to say, Chinese people really don't expect a Caucasian to really be Chinese. As long as you can speak a few broken Chinese phrases and are willing to try a little bit of strange food, they will whole-heartedly love and accept you for trying.

I love my heritage and am proud of so much goodness from this culture. But there are so many silly pretenses that just don't make sense. Many years ago, I saw my mom do something that is a very Chinese thing to do but very silly in my opinion, and I asked her why she did it even when it doesn't make any sense. She just said, it is because it is socially acceptable, so we've got to do it. I don't agree with that. I never understood that part of my culture, so I never really fit in. I think a cultural heritage is there to add layers and depth to an individual.  But it should not bind us down or in any way define us.

In fine, being Chinese is a strange thing: you can look like Chinese without really being Chinese (like my brother-in-law and the rebellious part of me). Or you can look nothing like it when you really are (ie: my husband... partly because he speaks Chinese almost without an accent - but mostly because he enjoys slurping.)