Charlie Brown Christmas Tree
Before we moved to Maryland, Andrew had a small acupuncture business in Utah for over 2 years. During those two years, we had near zero income. While trying to be supportive of this endeavor, I eventually felt physically ill and spiritually down.
It's hard to write about that season of our lives in a smooth coherent way, gazillion thoughts go through my mind when I look back on that time. But for this post, I am to talk about our Charlie Brown Christmas tree. We always get a freshly cut tree for Christmas, but since we started our business, I just didn't feel like we had the money to buy a tree. The house we lived in wasn't exactly pretty, I wanted to bring some holiday cheer to the house, but physically, I couldn't get out of the dark pit I was in. We had told the kids that year that they probably wouldn't get anything from us, the younger kids said: But we will still be getting presents from Santa Claus right?
One day, I got sick of the gloomy house. That's when the idea of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree to come to mind. I walked outside and broke off a branch of a bush just right outside the house. I put the branch in a pot stuffed with old socks to secure its position and I set out to beautify it with a few ornaments. I wrapped the base with some cotton padding and put some lights under the cotton like light reflecting off the snow. After I finished, I looked at our tree for a long time; a peace came to me, I finally felt Christmas. However bony that branch was, it didn't look sad, standing there illuminating our small end table; it was the prettiest thing in our house. When the kids got home from school, they gathered around the tree to admire it. Their hearts were glad, how they loved that tree!
Christmas did come for our family that year. There were many knockings on the door, upon opening, we found no one but only wrapped gifts laying on the snow, and money people left in envelopes at our door. It was a winter of deep gratitude and humble heart and a deepening of my testimony in many ways. My oldest two girls still remember that Christmas and think fondly of our Charlie Brown Christmas tree. I suggested that we have a Charlie Brown tree every other year no matter our station in life to remind us of that Christmas, and to never forget the blessings brought to us by others. There was no convincing necessary for Jade and Aspen, they remember that Christmas well. But our son doesn't seemed to understand the significance of what happened that winter in Utah, he can't fathom a Christmas without a real tree, so for the past two years in Maryland, we've had real trees. This year, he wasn't given the choice. We went out as a family to collect some fallen branches by the roadside. Now that the Charlie Brown tree is set up and declaring a rightful place in our living room, he has starting to appreciate it.
The real Christmas tree for me will forever be the bare bone branch that I got from outside the door many years ago. I think about that Christmas often, and will forever be grateful for the kindness that was shown to my family. I didn't know how much that experience has shaped me; whatever I do for other people now, I think it has a lot to do with being on the receiving end first, and the understanding that even the smallest kindness and thoughtfulness from others can be the ladder to bring someone out of the pit of despair. I can't think of a better way to show my gratitude to my Savior than to serve, even in the smallest ways.
Christmas time is about loving better and deeper, and the sharing of our blessings. God tries us so that we may be on bended knee and get to know our Savior more intimately . Every trial, sorrow and disappointment is there to make us sufficiently uncomfortable so we can aspire to new heights.
Raising Sage with God
I am temporarily back from being MIA from the blogging world. I'm planning to disappear again immediately after posting.
Since the beginning of the year, Sage has lost some dear friends to full time preschool and kindergarten, she has been moaning her loss ever since. Today, we stopped by to see a friend of mine for a quick hello before going visiting teaching to another person down the road. By some amazing luck, Sage's long lost friend Josh was home from kindergarten. Of course, there was no way I had any luck talking Sage into going visiting teaching with me. So she stayed and played. The following conversation was captured by Josh's dad.
Sage: "We're playing Mom and Dad. I'm the Mom, you're the Dad and
these are our babies."
Joshua: Making a face, "Nooooooaaa!!! I'm a transformer!"
Sage: "I thought we were playing Mom and Dad and you're the Dad!"
Joshua: "OK...
Isn't compromise great?
Sage: "If you play Mom and Dad with me, I'll let you drive the car."
Joshua: "I don't care. I just want to play this."
Sage:
Joshua:
Sage:
with me something I want to play, I will, will love them."
The Joshua/Sage soap goes on and on, quite funny. In the end, Sage decided to play cars with Joshua as long as he didn't, "get her in trouble."
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To be honest, Sage can be a brat and a handful. After she gives me attitude, she storms off to her room and slams the door. Andrew's pediatric attending told him that slamming doors is one of the signs of puberty, Andrew said: My four year old already is doing that!
Sage told me that I was her stepmother because I wouldn't give her what she wants. Some of the days I simply don't like her very much. Every time she gives me an episode of storming off to her room and slamming the door, I worry about how Sage will turn out as a teenager and an adult. I feel strongly that the latter day kids are born to be more stubborn and willful than ever before so when they decide to choose the right, they can remain strong for what's coming at them in this world. I have to keep saying that to myself some days just to stay sane.
It is with this thought that I would like to talk about the tender mercies of the Lord. While I was straightening up the bookshelves recently, I felt an impression that I should read the Book of Mormon Stories with Sage. If you don't know what it is, it is a children's version of the Book of Mormon with vivid drawings of the events in the scriptures.
We had a few moments of struggle when I first tried to read it to her, she tried to boss me and acted like she knew the stories more than me. But I held firm and she finally gave in and I was able to read to her from the first pages telling her about Joseph Smith and the gold plates. I couldn't believe how much she enjoyed it. She took it all in and was very attentive to what I had to say. Reading the scriptures to Sage brought the spirit to my heart, and it helped me to see her as a person who God loves very much.
I am grateful to be able to receive that prompting to read the scriptures to Sage in ways she could understand. As a family, we have been reading "grown up scriptures" since Sage was born because all of our children read well, so we haven't been focusing so much on reading it at Sage's level. I feel with each additional child we add to the family, the less I am able to focus on each single one and their needs. Sometimes the task of mothering is overwhelming, and I feel like I am not reaching my kids like I should. I think sometimes I just want to quick fix my kids, I lose sight of how to teach them God's way.
God showed my his tender mercy when I least expected. I felt He wants me to stay with the basics as a mom. After all we can do, as long as we teach our children the gospel of Jesus Christ and bring Jesus's teaching into our daily living, they will feel his influence at home. And after everything we do for our children, this is the most important thing we CAN do for them.
I wonder how long I will be writing about my willful Sage on this blog. I wonder if everything I am doing for her will eventually yield a wholesome young woman? I wonder if you will get to see pictures of her with her beautiful dark hair and radiant smile on this blog posing in her wedding grown in front of a temple on her wedding day? Here is an interesting thought, if we all keep writing about our kids on our blogs, no matter if we never see each other again or where we are in this world, we will literally watch each other's kids grow up to adulthood in cyber space... something to think about for a while, huh?
Random Things
After a full winter of feasting on Kettle cooked potato chips, chocolates and other sinful indulgence, when spring came this year, the pants I have been wearing for the last few years seemed to have shrunk at the hip. It has been a little hard to take. But I've finally stopped groaning. When my mom visited me in the summer, she agreed I was in fact, fat. The same summer, I picked up my sister who I haven't seen in seven years from the airport, she looked at me up and down for a while, and kindly shared her observation with me: "Your stomach is a little bit big." If you think it's just my family and that they say crazy things, wait till you hear this: There is an elderly Chinese grandma who walks her grandkids to the bus stop every morning. I haven't seen her since autumn of last year. I saw her this fall in the beginning of school year, after greeting one another, she said: "Hey, you look like you've gained weight."
Oh really? I had no idea. Thanks for the detailed observation...
Perhaps Sage saw the change in me, or maybe she was merely joking, but a couple of days ago she said this to me:
Mom, you have a big bum like Daddy's. (very exaggeratedly separating her right hand and her left hand, making a HUGE, wide gap in between.) Then with one shoulder slightly raised and her head bend to the side to accentuate her cuteness, she said this accompanied by a sweet smile:
But I will not tell you it is Giant.
Here is what else is on Sage's mind:
Sage took out a spaghetti strapped sun dress and asked: Mom, I am going to wear this with nothing inside to show my shoulders, only for inside the house, ok?
I answered: No.
Sage: Oh, please, please, plea-sssee... I will give you a kiss?
After repeated refusal by her mom, before Sage stormed off, she gave me a glaring look and said: "I don't 'fink' I want you to be my mom anymore."
Sage met up with Andrew when he got home and said: "Daddy, I ate a piece of your gum. But it's ok - I forgive you."
Sage to Jade: "Stop talking! I am 'finking'!"
Follow me in the next post: Summer 2010... that was when I still liked Sage and took lots of pictures of her.
Summer 2010, part 1
Summer 2010, Part 1
A day at the beach, Solomon, MD.
Don't let her look fool you, the water was pleasantly warm.
Showing off his shell.
Sage loved to grab "treasures" she found under the water. She thinks ocean swimming is WAY better than the pool, other than the salt water.
Meadowside Nature Center.
Sage pretending to be a sleeping pioneer girl.
Waking up at the first crow.
Yawning.
Starts her busy day in the log house.
...wish she was really this hard working in real life...
Of course, what's summer without crabbing with our good friends the Harris'. This was the last time we get to crab together before they left for Hawaii.
Aspen and Emma
Chicken necks - crabs favorite treats
Behold,
Dinner!!
Billy Goats Trail, Potomac River.
Frog spawn, looked like decorative balls.
Some cute kids we found along the way
Sage Is BACK
If you remember, I wrote a farewell post about the ill manners of Sage. Afterwards, I rolled up my sleeves and went to work on training her to be a good citizen. I am happy to say that she is mostly pleasant these days. But of course, her being Sage, I should've known that she would save her treacherous ways for a more worthy foe - her elder sister.
Jade came to me this morning and related to me the following story. Here is what happened:
This morning, Sage found Jade sitting at the dining table eating cereal. She stood there watching Jade for a moment, then finding she didn't receive the attention she deserved, she started stomping forcefully on the floor.
(Stomp) paused for 3 seconds looking for reactions, received none...
(Stomp) paused for another 3 seconds, again, didn't get a reaction.
(Stomp) again, 3 second watch, this time, Jade finally looked at her.
"What?!" said Jade.
"I (stomp).want(stomp).a bowl (stomp).of (stomp).CEREAL (stomp)!" Sage stated her intention with her winning attitude.
Jade gave her a look of "you don't scare me" and told her to get her own bowl and went back to eating and reading (which is, of course, not permitted at the dining table.)
Sage: "No."(stomp)
Jade:"Get your own bowl or I'll spank you." (Such an attitude would surely get her in trouble.)
"OK" submissive Sage scurried away...
Tomorrow Sage starts her second day in preschool. As much as she is a handful, I miss her quite a bit. I think it's very hard to have your baby grow up and leave you...
Youth Conference 2010
Andrew and I had the opportunity to be Ma and Pa for our stake youth conference this year. We took the youth to Palmyra New York to visit Hill Cumorah, Gradon bookstore where the book of Mormon were published, the Smith's log cabin and the Sacred Grove.
During the Ma and Pa training, it was understood that we were supposed to arrive at the Stake Center at 5am on youth conference day. Andrew and I had everything packed and ready to go the night before. I had everything planned to perfection except for being late. That morning we woke up at 5:15 am!! Andrew truly jumped out of bed and shouted: "Aren't we supposed to be there at 5?" and that woke me up. We scrambled out of the door and rushed the 20 min. drive to the stake center.
He drove with great style and pizazz, until at a red light, a cop car pulled up beside us and said in his deep voice: "You might want to slow down". He then drove away!!! I couldn't believe we only got a warning for that and what's more, didn't even get pulled over, otherwise, we would have lost more time. Talk about tender mercies of the Lord! Now I think back that we were able to get up at 5:15am without an alarm is a miracle too! (Our kids were charged with playing the alarm and switching the alarm to CD the night before. )
When we finally made it to the stake center, the parking lot was already busy with people directing traffic and parents dropping kids off. Talk about embarrassing, of all places, Andrew stopped the car right in front of President Talbert (a member of the stake presidency) with him looking straight into my eyes. I could tell that he was startled to see me just arriving and then he had the look of : " YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY LATE!!!!" I hopped out of the car at super human speed and ran right past him without even saying good morning (ha ha ha). I was like a bullet running with my eyes fixed on those front doors of the church building while dodging people everywhere.
I ran to the spot marked "Fisher Family" inside the cultural hall and saw 3 or 4 out of 11 of my kids were already sitting there. There is truly nothing more embarrassing then the moment when I had to face those kids and tell them why their ma and pa were late.
I was slightly relieved to see that they were good natured and seemed to have forgiven me on the spot. However, my face burned with embarrassment for the next 3 hours. ... then it finally stopped burning, so guess I eventually got over it.
A month ago prior to the YC, I had the opportunity to go to Palmyra with some other stake leaders to "scout" the area and to time the route the buses were to travel. Now that YC is over, it's very interesting to see how all the planning came to fruition. I've gained much respect for those who plan youth events year after year in our stake and I feel I have learned a lot about leadership in the process. But as fun as that experience was, being a ma and pa for a group of youth was so much better! I feel very privileged to be with the youth assigned to our family.
During our ride home, at 11 o'clock at night, one of our bus's tires completely blew out. We were basically a sitting duck until a repair truck could get to us. Since we were travelling with 2 other buses, we could also wait for one of the bus to first drop the kids off at the stake center and turn around to pick us up, making total wait time at least 3 hours. I was about to have a panic attack because we thought we might get home at 12:30am, I had asked our friends who were watching our kids to go home before 11 o'clock, leaving Jade to watch the younger kids while they were asleep. The estimation at the time was that we would arrive at the stake center around 4am. There was nothing I could do but to say a prayer asking Heavenly Father to please help my littler ones to sleep through without waking up crying like they sometimes do. A friend on the bus assured me in all her wisdom that God would look out for my children. The good news is all the kids on the bus were just happy to hang out longer with their new friends, everybody got out of the bus to play on that parking lot in the middle of nowhere.
About an hour into our wait, the repair truck pulled up to our great delight and replaced the flat in record time. I didn't think we had to wait too long and the spirits of the youth were still high by the time we were on the road again. I truly felt that God was watching out for us since the morning we woke up.
Andrew and I were blessed to have some outstanding kids in our family. We were so impressed with their strength and dedication to the Lord. We had some wonderful family discussions together during youth conference, and I felt blessed to be able to say a thing or two that might have made an impact on them. I loved all the kids assigned to our family and it's funny, I felt a little bit out of place without them when we got home.
Due to the sudden (apparent) death of our desktop (sad, sad, sad), all our stored pictures from YC are currently irretrievable inside the belly of the machine. It looks like Andrew's dream of getting a Mac is coming true very, very soon indeed.
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